Fox News: Most of you covered me. All of you voted for me. Apologies to the Fox table.
Rahm Emanuel: This is a tough holiday because he’s not used to saying the word ‘day’ after ‘mother.’
Michael Steele: Michael, for the last time time, the Republican party does not qualify for a bailout. Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset.
Dick Cheney: Dick Cheney…is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively entitled, ‘How to shoot friends and interrogate people.’
Arlen Specter: In the last 100 days, we’ve also grown the Democratic party by infusing it with new energy and bringing in fresh, young faces like Arlen Specter.
Hillary Clinton: We had been rivals during the campaign, but these days we could not be closer. In fact, the second she got back from Mexico she pulled me into a hug and gave me a big kiss and told me I’d better get down there myself.
Wanda Sykes skewered two of the president's critics, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity:
Rush Limbaugh: Boy, Rush Limbaugh said he hopes this administration fails. Yeah. So you're saying I hope America fails ....To me that's treason. He's not saying anything differently than what Osama bin Laden is saying. You know, you might want to look into this, sir, but I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight...
Sean Hannity: Sean Hannity said he was going to get waterboarded for charity for our armed forces. He hasn't done it yet, I see. You know, talking about he can take a waterboarding. Please. Hey, okay, you might want to get waterboarded by someone you know or trust but let somebody from Pakistan waterboard him, or Keith Olbermann. Let Keith Olbermann waterboard him. He can't take a waterboarding. I could break Sean Hannity just by giving him a middle seat in coach. Oh, I need leg room! (h/t Crooks and Liars)