Sunday, December 9, 2012

Maureen Dowd: Republicans Will Be A Lost Tribe

Maureen Dowd predicts that those who study lost civilizations will conclude that the Republicans' decline was due to the fact that it represented "arrogant, uptight, entitled, bossy, retrogressive white guys" who refused "to adapt to a world where poor people and sick people and black people and brown people and female people and gay people count." Dowd considers the bewildered questions Republicans must be asking following the loss of Mitt Romney, whose campaign was "animated by the idea that indolent, grasping serfs must be kept down, even if it meant creating barriers to letting them vote"–and she envisions the party's ultimate destruction in 2016:

Someday, [the Republicans] will be the subject of a National Geographic special, or a Mel Gibson movie, where archaeologists piece together who the lost tribe was, where it came from, and what happened to it. The experts will sift through the ruins of the Reagan Presidential Library, Dick Cheney’s shotgun casings, Orca poll monitoring hieroglyphics, remnants of triumphal rants by Dick Morris on Fox News, faded photos of Clint Eastwood and an empty chair, and scraps of ancient tape in which a tall, stiff man, his name long forgotten, gnashes his teeth about the 47 percent of moochers and the “gifts” they got.

...Who would ever have thought blacks would get out and support the first black president? Who would ever have thought women would shy away from the party of transvaginal probes? Who would ever have thought gays would work against a party that treated them as immoral and subhuman? Who would have ever thought young people would desert a party that ignored science and hectored on social issues? Who would ever have thought Latinos would scorn a party that expected them to finish up their chores and self-deport?

...Gun sales have burgeoned since the president’s re-election, with Black Friday weapons purchases setting records as the dead-enders rush to arm themselves.

But history will no doubt record that withering Republicans were finally wiped from the earth in 2016 when the relentless (and rested) Conquistadora Hillary marched in, General Bill on a horse behind her, and finished them off.

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