Sunday, May 5, 2013

Andy Borowitz: "NRA Leader Warns Of The Rising Cost Of Senators"

Andy Borowitz writes in The New Yorker that Wayne LaPierre, NRA CEO, warned at a convention about "the rising cost of senators" to do the group's bidding against "the wishes of ninety percent of the American people"–a reference to percentage that favors universal background checks, which the Senate failed to pass. Through the following satirical piece, Borowitz points out the corruption of our political system, in which politicians are bribed–under the rubric of "contributions"–to favor special interests such as the mass murder lobby, the NRA:

HOUSTON (The Borowitz Report)—National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre used his opening speech at the N.R.A.’s national convention today to highlight several challenges facing the organization, including what he called “the rising cost of Senators.”

“Over the past few years, we’ve seen the price of purchasing a Senator surge astronomically,” he told the N.R.A. faithful. “Unless something is done to make Senators more affordable, the ability of a tiny lobbying group to overrule the wishes of ninety per cent of the American people will be in jeopardy.”

The days are over, he said, when “you could buy a Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) for little more than pocket change.”

“Now it costs thousands to purchase a marginally effective Senator like Kelly Ayotte (R-N.H.),” he said.

Mr. LaPierre was followed at the podium by the former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, the rock musician Ted Nugent, and several other people who would not pass background checks.

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